Tag Archives: last day of school

22 – Ho, Ho, Ho…Green Giant and The Liquid War

First, please allow me to apologize for the extended hiatus I have taken between posts…the last few days have been very emotionally charged…and I will get to that, but FIRST THINGS FIRST! I’ve got to tell you about the last day of school.

Needless to say, I was filled with terror. Never in my life had I felt so anxious over the words thrown about by a group of teenagers! UGH! I woke up that morning and dressed “down” in a pair of jeans and a “disposable” t-shirt. I drove to work singing sporadic bits of Guns-n-Roses’ Welcome to the Jungle…the line that truly resonates with my job is “You’re in the jungle baby… you’re going to diiiiiiiiie” (You know how Axel has a penchant for stretching his words).

Upon exiting my car, I expected student snipers…appropriately equipped with water balloon-age (lol)…but instead, I was met with the stony resolve of “just another day at school.” I was suspicious. I passed Bite-Sized Teacher’s room and he was brazenly standing in the middle of the hallway in front of his classroom…wearing one of those touristy Hawaiian shirts. UGH! He may as well have opted to wear a fluorescent orange air-traffic controller’s vest…really…he reminded me of those small exotic fruit bowls that are sold at Publix.

My final exam was a joke…I know it was. I have never, in my life, issued something so pathetic and attempted to masquerade it as legitimate and sound. They didn’t know the difference. Their Final was a questionnaire I concocted ten minutes before school started…I had already decided to allow the big project they were working on be the final grade (I don’t usually EVER do that). My first period class concluded with the tackling of a trespasser on school grounds, directly in front of my room! One of the jolly-green-giant male teachers recognized the person as a VERY FORMER student who did not belong on campus…he tackled the boy…pinning him to the ground with such force that the wind was knocked out of them both! The lesson here folks: Never run from the jolly-green-giant, for he will always catch you…and perhaps not be so jolly! (But why wait until the LAST day of school to exert one’s authori-TAH…just a question)

My first class was virtually non-existent…maybe 70% thought to show up. As the day wore on, student behavior became more erratic…They were room hopping (the sister act of bar hopping but without the vodka)…and I was wondering “What happened to taking final exams?” So, after lunch I was mentally preparing myself for the worst because, in case you didn’t know this, I was given the WORST BEHAVING class of students to “teach”…so I knew that my kids would be the ones with the bleach balloons and whatever else!

After lunch…NOTHING! The hallways were uncharacteristically calm…to the point of eeriness. In fact, my normal after-lunch class is somewhere around twenty-seven students…that day I had seven IN class. The seven who were in class were there because they were afraid of being hit by their seemingly absent peers. My students told me that everyone else was outside of the school, running around, attempting to strike unsuspecting victims with their liquid-filled weapons. My students said that the in-school fun would not begin until 1:30 (fifteen minutes before my current class was dismissed). Many “victims” passed by my room…dripping water from head-to-toe…wearing the disgruntled countenance of defeat…I did not want to become a victim. I opted to remain in my room at ALL costs!

It was 1:30PM and Bite-Sized Teacher had managed to remain dry…even through the dangers of a fire drill (on the last day of school? WTF?)…so I knew there was still hope for me!

My last “class” for the day was dismissed at 1:45. I wanted to leave, but I heard the shrieks of war being waged around the corner. Students from my last class came running around the corner, “Help! Ms. Friendly, open the door! They’re coming and they’re throwing balloons!” I let them in. They hid in my room for about five minutes until the halls seemed clear again, and then went about their way. I’m thinking…at what point will my fearless leader actually “grow a pair” and get his ass out in that hallway (with a law enforcer) and start taking prisoners…HA HA yeah right!

The fireworks didn’t occur until school was officially out for the day. Students came out of hiding, and they came locked and loaded…I did not get hit…and no one was seriously hurt…not even Bite-Sized Teacher!

When I left work, there were three police cars parked in the student parking lot, and two more parked outside the gates of the school…I guess, somewhere, the message had been heeded from last week’s gun incident. I’m just relieved that everyone was safe.


Posted by on May 30, 2008 in Work


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21 – The End of Days

Drum Roll Please…

Our “school” conducted an awards ceremony two days ago and it went well. I liked the idea of students receiving accolades for their accomplishments throughout the year…the only complaint I have is that our fearless leader did not find the ceremony important enough to attend the first hour (it lasted 90 minutes). He came just in time to deliver his lame speech about “good work this year” and “let’s keep it safe over the next four days”…blahblahblahblah

One of the most interesting awards was given to a Senior…Oh wait! Please allow me to set it up for you the same way in which it was presented to the audience!

*Samantha is a young lady who has suffered many trials to get where she is now, in fact, many of us thought she was not going to make it! *Samantha is receiving this award because during her Sophomore year she became pregnant and had a baby…and still continued to come to school; She did what most girls her age have not been able to do. She’s graduating high school now. Congratulations Samantha!

I looked around the auditorium, searching the faces of my colleagues, attempting to read their thoughts…Did they find this award as absurd as I did? I was dying to see the actual verbiage on the trophy…I wonder how it read?

· I got knocked up and all I got was this stupid diploma and trophy.

· Congratulations! You got knocked up but you STILL graduated.

· Teen mothers can get diplomas, too.

Better Late Than Never (wink, wink)

Our fearless leader got a bee in his bonnet and decided to suspend two of THE BIGGEST pain-in-the-ass kids on the last week of school…for two days (yea him). Rumor has it that these two were spotted with water balloons…but nothing else could get them suspended (I tried the entire year)! In fact, earlier the same day, another student told one of my colleagues “Fuck you!” She escorted the young man to the office and explained what he said…five minutes later he was brought back to her classroom with NO PUNITIVE ACTION…perhaps he should have thrown a water balloon at her while proclaiming “Fuck you!” …maybe then he would have been suspended or at least reprimanded!

Then today…SAME KID…was rolling up and down the hallways of the school ON A FREAKIN’ SKATEBOARD…and my friend/colleague took him (again) to the office.

Guess what?

…He was sent back to class after a “firm” talking to…NO PUNITIVE ACTION of course 😉

All Quiet on the Western Front (or so I thought)

So far so good (Thursday morning)…there has not been an entire week of war as I anticipated. The students’ work ethic is half past slack, but gas is also $4.05 a gallon…so what else is new? Today is Thursday, so I wonder if anything will happen after school today. I am seriously stressing out about it after what happened last week. The security at this school…HA!…well, let’s just say that my four-year-old niece has a better plan for resistance than this school. Just two days ago, I ran into a student who was expelled. He was freely roaming the hallways with another one of our Garbage Pail Kids who will graduate to America’s Most Wanted status by the time she’s seventeen. It was easy for him to get in the school undetected…and that scares me.

This morning, my students were verbally anticipating the devious activities of their constituents…you know… those big plans for Friday. I was then notified that I am on “The List”…In fact, we (teachers) are ALL on the list…HA! They asked me if I was going to come to work tomorrow…Of course I am, I responded…Well, I’m not, many of them notified me…But, you still have FINALS tomorrow! I reminded them. They shrugged their shoulders. They seemed not to care about Finals. In fact, the process of administering and taking Finals is very “different” in comparison to what I am accustomed to. First of all, I was shocked when many of my colleagues said that they planned on giving a Final, but never grading it…huh? And then…why were students allowed to roam from room-to-room to take different Finals at will…it was like a wine tasting or trick-or-treating! No one remained in their respective classrooms for over thirty-five to forty minutes! I thought the entire production was the oddest thing! Oh well…doesn’t matter now…I will be leaving this Twilight Zone within the blink of an eye.

UPDATE: Just when you thought it was safe… (Thursday afternoon)…I think I spoke too soon! The war has begun! A bleach balloon hit a colleague of mine and ruined the hem of her dress (teachers are now permitted to wear jeans tomorrow) and I saw the remnants of the after-lunch-battle strewn across the walkway outside of the cafeteria…it looked as though the snack machine vomited. I made an executive decision then and there – I’m outta here! I have a planning period and not a class for the last period of the day, which means no students…which means…slipping out the side door unseen.

I’ll update you tomorrow (wish me luck).

*Image taken from


Posted by on May 22, 2008 in Work


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18 – “D-Day” is Near!!!

There are two more weeks left in the hole and I can’t believe that I have survived…however it seems as though the REAL test will be surviving the last week of school! Apparently, the students at this school have a tradition of waging war by use of “weapons of mass destruction”…Clorox-filled water guns, paint-filled balloons, and water balloons…they are also planning to fight, fight, fight!

According to Upperclassmen, this day is real and this day should be taken seriously! A few concerned seniors have told me that they plan on wearing hobo-esque clothes, plastic bags over THOSE clothes, shower caps over their hair, and goggles over their eyes…WOW! They said that last year’s principal ate a “paint-balloon sandwich” and was WEARING the paint that one of the student culprits threw. OMG!

“Were these students reprimanded?” I asked.

The seniors laughed, “Ms. Friendly, please! Remember where we are? NOBODY is EVER reprimanded! The principal just went home and changed his clothes.

“So…nobody stopped the children from destroying the school?”

“Yeah, they turned the water off to the school and banned students from going to the bathroom so that they would not be able to put anymore water in the balloons or guns…but some parents called and complained and they had to turn the water back on.”

HA! Parents called and complained about the water but completely ignored the fact that their kids were fucking up the school! …Typical…Ignoring the more poignant issue at hand. And the school…why weren’t the campus police notified? Why were students allowed to create total anarchy on campus?

…So, needless to say, I am REALLY looking forward to the upcoming last week of school. However, most students say to me, “Ms. Friendly, you ain’t got to worry cuz you cool…but Mr. Bite-Sized Teacher (he’s REALLY short)…yeah…we gone git dat ass so he best not come to work.”

…So this should make me feel better…right…?


Posted by on May 9, 2008 in Work


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