22 – Ho, Ho, Ho…Green Giant and The Liquid War

30 May

First, please allow me to apologize for the extended hiatus I have taken between posts…the last few days have been very emotionally charged…and I will get to that, but FIRST THINGS FIRST! I’ve got to tell you about the last day of school.

Needless to say, I was filled with terror. Never in my life had I felt so anxious over the words thrown about by a group of teenagers! UGH! I woke up that morning and dressed “down” in a pair of jeans and a “disposable” t-shirt. I drove to work singing sporadic bits of Guns-n-Roses’ Welcome to the Jungle…the line that truly resonates with my job is “You’re in the jungle baby… you’re going to diiiiiiiiie” (You know how Axel has a penchant for stretching his words).

Upon exiting my car, I expected student snipers…appropriately equipped with water balloon-age (lol)…but instead, I was met with the stony resolve of “just another day at school.” I was suspicious. I passed Bite-Sized Teacher’s room and he was brazenly standing in the middle of the hallway in front of his classroom…wearing one of those touristy Hawaiian shirts. UGH! He may as well have opted to wear a fluorescent orange air-traffic controller’s vest…really…he reminded me of those small exotic fruit bowls that are sold at Publix.

My final exam was a joke…I know it was. I have never, in my life, issued something so pathetic and attempted to masquerade it as legitimate and sound. They didn’t know the difference. Their Final was a questionnaire I concocted ten minutes before school started…I had already decided to allow the big project they were working on be the final grade (I don’t usually EVER do that). My first period class concluded with the tackling of a trespasser on school grounds, directly in front of my room! One of the jolly-green-giant male teachers recognized the person as a VERY FORMER student who did not belong on campus…he tackled the boy…pinning him to the ground with such force that the wind was knocked out of them both! The lesson here folks: Never run from the jolly-green-giant, for he will always catch you…and perhaps not be so jolly! (But why wait until the LAST day of school to exert one’s authori-TAH…just a question)

My first class was virtually non-existent…maybe 70% thought to show up. As the day wore on, student behavior became more erratic…They were room hopping (the sister act of bar hopping but without the vodka)…and I was wondering “What happened to taking final exams?” So, after lunch I was mentally preparing myself for the worst because, in case you didn’t know this, I was given the WORST BEHAVING class of students to “teach”…so I knew that my kids would be the ones with the bleach balloons and whatever else!

After lunch…NOTHING! The hallways were uncharacteristically calm…to the point of eeriness. In fact, my normal after-lunch class is somewhere around twenty-seven students…that day I had seven IN class. The seven who were in class were there because they were afraid of being hit by their seemingly absent peers. My students told me that everyone else was outside of the school, running around, attempting to strike unsuspecting victims with their liquid-filled weapons. My students said that the in-school fun would not begin until 1:30 (fifteen minutes before my current class was dismissed). Many “victims” passed by my room…dripping water from head-to-toe…wearing the disgruntled countenance of defeat…I did not want to become a victim. I opted to remain in my room at ALL costs!

It was 1:30PM and Bite-Sized Teacher had managed to remain dry…even through the dangers of a fire drill (on the last day of school? WTF?)…so I knew there was still hope for me!

My last “class” for the day was dismissed at 1:45. I wanted to leave, but I heard the shrieks of war being waged around the corner. Students from my last class came running around the corner, “Help! Ms. Friendly, open the door! They’re coming and they’re throwing balloons!” I let them in. They hid in my room for about five minutes until the halls seemed clear again, and then went about their way. I’m thinking…at what point will my fearless leader actually “grow a pair” and get his ass out in that hallway (with a law enforcer) and start taking prisoners…HA HA yeah right!

The fireworks didn’t occur until school was officially out for the day. Students came out of hiding, and they came locked and loaded…I did not get hit…and no one was seriously hurt…not even Bite-Sized Teacher!

When I left work, there were three police cars parked in the student parking lot, and two more parked outside the gates of the school…I guess, somewhere, the message had been heeded from last week’s gun incident. I’m just relieved that everyone was safe.


Posted by on May 30, 2008 in Work


Tags: , , , , ,

9 responses to “22 – Ho, Ho, Ho…Green Giant and The Liquid War

  1. Kevin

    May 31, 2008 at 12:31 am

    Guns-n-Roses? Dear, are you quite SURE you’re African American? Oh wait, now I sound like your students, huh.

  2. Arekusu

    May 31, 2008 at 12:59 am

    Congratulations on surviving the school year.

    So, that was it? You didn’t get hit? No big scenes of pandemonium? Bite size teacher didn’t get covered with water?

    The Guns and Roses part and comment is funny- reminds me of that Chappelle episode when Dave and John Mayer? go and see what music will make what “race” dance.

    The Black cop starts dancing to some stadium rock and Dave is like, “Uh, Brotha…what’s up?” BC: “Hey man, I grew up in the suburbs!”

  3. msfriendly

    May 31, 2008 at 5:18 am

    Kevin…Yes, I know I know…I have stared into the face of DIVERSITY and I like it! LOL!!!! 🙂

    Arekusu…No!!! I thought that MORE was going to happen but they seemed only interested in hitting each other…Bite-Sized Teacher made it through the day as a “dry” man because he always seemed to be standing in an inaccessible position (according to one of my students).

    I am glad that the day did not end like other legendary last days at that high school (hence the heavy police patrol).

    BTW – Think I missed that Chapelle episode.

  4. doe-rinder

    June 1, 2008 at 2:45 am

    So now that she’s survived the school year intact (and miraculously dry), can Ms. Friendly com hang out with her funk-loving white friend? 😉

  5. Arekusu

    June 1, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    After one year at my former H.S., where kids threw ballons filled with water and baby oil and some administrator then fell down a flight of stairs and broke his hip, school policy re hallway behavior became much more strict.

    The school was awash in liberal permissiveness and neoliberal demoralization. They corrected the liberal permissiveness but kept the neoliberal/right-wing liberal politics. Hence the firing of the outstanding left leaning History teacher.

    Anyway, congratulations on making it through the year. Hope you take a long vacation and get a job with lower stress.

    Please keep in touch through the blog.

  6. msfriendly

    June 4, 2008 at 2:01 am

    Arekusu…WOW! Yeah…that school sounds a lot like the one I left!!! That sounds HORRIBLE!!! I intend on taking a long vacation, but I am not so sure how far I will be able to get away from education!!!!

    Thanks for the well wishes.

    So…what did you end up doing after that school? Were you a student or teacher?

  7. missinnercity

    June 4, 2008 at 11:53 pm

    I found your blog and have to say how interesting it is to read what the kids I teach are like when they get older! I’m hoping our last day of school next week goes without any major incidents, although the younger kids seem to leave the teachers alone…for the most part. Glad you manged to make it out unscathed. Have a relaxing summer!

  8. Arekusu

    June 5, 2008 at 1:28 am

    I was a student aide with kids in Special Ed.

    I got a job as a local truck driver and am making twice my previous salary- life is a lot better.

    I would never become a teacher because I’d have to lie about my left wing politics for four years to make it to tenure. I’d end up getting the boot before I’d made it.

    Now, I can do informal worker education and make a good wage.

  9. msfriendly

    June 8, 2008 at 6:39 am

    Missinnercity…Thank you! I wish you well next week!!!

    Arekusu…Truck driving? More money? ….who knew!!!! Good for you…the point is to have a better life! I’m still trying to reach my envisioned goal. Looks like I may have to spend one more year in the classroom before I get there!


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