Drum Roll Please…
Our “school” conducted an awards ceremony two days ago and it went well. I liked the idea of students receiving accolades for their accomplishments throughout the year…the only complaint I have is that our fearless leader did not find the ceremony important enough to attend the first hour (it lasted 90 minutes). He came just in time to deliver his lame speech about “good work this year” and “let’s keep it safe over the next four days”…blahblahblahblah…
One of the most interesting awards was given to a Senior…Oh wait! Please allow me to set it up for you the same way in which it was presented to the audience!
*Samantha is a young lady who has suffered many trials to get where she is now, in fact, many of us thought she was not going to make it! *Samantha is receiving this award because during her Sophomore year she became pregnant and had a baby…and still continued to come to school; She did what most girls her age have not been able to do. She’s graduating high school now. Congratulations Samantha!
I looked around the auditorium, searching the faces of my colleagues, attempting to read their thoughts…Did they find this award as absurd as I did? I was dying to see the actual verbiage on the trophy…I wonder how it read?
· I got knocked up and all I got was this stupid diploma and trophy.
· Congratulations! You got knocked up but you STILL graduated.
· Teen mothers can get diplomas, too.
Better Late Than Never (wink, wink)
Our fearless leader got a bee in his bonnet and decided to suspend two of THE BIGGEST pain-in-the-ass kids on the last week of school…for two days (yea him). Rumor has it that these two were spotted with water balloons…but nothing else could get them suspended (I tried the entire year)! In fact, earlier the same day, another student told one of my colleagues “Fuck you!” She escorted the young man to the office and explained what he said…five minutes later he was brought back to her classroom with NO PUNITIVE ACTION…perhaps he should have thrown a water balloon at her while proclaiming “Fuck you!” …maybe then he would have been suspended or at least reprimanded!
Then today…SAME KID…was rolling up and down the hallways of the school ON A FREAKIN’ SKATEBOARD…and my friend/colleague took him (again) to the office.
Guess what?
…He was sent back to class after a “firm” talking to…NO PUNITIVE ACTION of course 
All Quiet on the Western Front (or so I thought)
So far so good (Thursday morning)…there has not been an entire week of war as I anticipated. The students’ work ethic is half past slack, but gas is also $4.05 a gallon…so what else is new? Today is Thursday, so I wonder if anything will happen after school today. I am seriously stressing out about it after what happened last week. The security at this school…HA!…well, let’s just say that my four-year-old niece has a better plan for resistance than this school. Just two days ago, I ran into a student who was expelled. He was freely roaming the hallways with another one of our Garbage Pail Kids who will graduate to America’s Most Wanted status by the time she’s seventeen. It was easy for him to get in the school undetected…and that scares me.
This morning, my students were verbally anticipating the devious activities of their constituents…you know… those big plans for Friday. I was then notified that I am on “The List”…In fact, we (teachers) are ALL on the list…HA! They asked me if I was going to come to work tomorrow…Of course I am, I responded…Well, I’m not, many of them notified me…But, you still have FINALS tomorrow! I reminded them. They shrugged their shoulders. They seemed not to care about Finals. In fact, the process of administering and taking Finals is very “different” in comparison to what I am accustomed to. First of all, I was shocked when many of my colleagues said that they planned on giving a Final, but never grading it…huh? And then…why were students allowed to roam from room-to-room to take different Finals at will…it was like a wine tasting or trick-or-treating! No one remained in their respective classrooms for over thirty-five to forty minutes! I thought the entire production was the oddest thing! Oh well…doesn’t matter now…I will be leaving this Twilight Zone within the blink of an eye.
UPDATE: Just when you thought it was safe… (Thursday afternoon)…I think I spoke too soon! The war has begun! A bleach balloon hit a colleague of mine and ruined the hem of her dress (teachers are now permitted to wear jeans tomorrow) and I saw the remnants of the after-lunch-battle strewn across the walkway outside of the cafeteria…it looked as though the snack machine vomited. I made an executive decision then and there – I’m outta here! I have a planning period and not a class for the last period of the day, which means no students…which means…slipping out the side door unseen.
I’ll update you tomorrow (wish me luck).
*Image taken from www.lapsura.com
